Fresh and frozen. Oxymoron?

This issue (and lovely pic) was brought to light by a clever co-worker.

Is it possible for food to be fresh and frozen? I don't know the answer. It seems that the two would be mutually exclusive at first glance. But the opposite of fresh is stale, not frozen. The opposite of frozen is unfrozen, not fresh. So maybe you CAN take something fresh and freeze it without compromising the freshness. That doesn't sound right to me. What do y'all think?

On a side note, I'm thrilled that the good folks at Valentino's Pizza used the plural "lasagne" instead of its more frequently used singular counterpart, "lasagna." There's more than one noodle in that dish, people. Use the plural. I don't care if it's not an English word. Italian is basically modern Latin, and 60% of our language is derived from Latin. It's not a huge stretch to get the gist of it.

I did not know that.

"I don't know what's wrong with him today. He seems completely rattled."

Or does he?

It just came to my attention there is "raddled" and there is "rattled."

raddled adjective

1 : being in a state of confusion : lacking composure 2 : broken-down, worn.

I never realized this was an actual word. I always figured it was the word "rattled" being applied incorrectly (and I'm guessing so do most people).

So, long story short, you can indeed rattle someone, causing them to lose their composure. However, someone cannot be rattled. That is, unless, they are clothed in beads and shaken vigorously. Which, honestly, would be kind of cool.

It was, like, literally, the hottest day ever.

Here is what LITERALLY does not mean:

• Seriously
• Totally
• For real, though
• No joke

Here's how our friends at Merriam-Webster define the word LITERAL:

1: adhering to fact or to the ordinary construction or primary meaning of a term or expression : actual 2: free from exaggeration or embellishment .

See the distinction? What it DOES mean is that the actual thing you're describing is exactly as the words you describe it with would have you believe. LITERALLY is appropriate to use when you're describing something in terms that would be normally considered hyperbolic, punny, etc., but in the case of the thing you're describing, those extreme terms actually apply. Here are some examples when it would be appropriate (although kind of lame and newscaster-y) to use the word LITERALLY:

• If you were talking about a pinched nerve: "A pinched nerve can literally be a pain in the neck."
• If it were the hottest day on record: "Today is literally the hottest day ever."
• If you laughed so hard that you started tearing up: "I literally laughed until I cried. It's not just an expression this time, yo. I actually did it."

Here's how NOT to use LITERALLY:

• "It literally scared me to death." Oh really? Then how were you able to make this inane statement.
• "It was literally the dumbest thing I've ever seen." Prove that. Because I've seen a LOT of dumb in my life.
• "We were literally climbing the walls with anxiety." Hmmmm. So you were so anxious you strapped on your climbing gear and started hiking it up the walls?

I so hate it when people use literally with metaphors. It makes me feel blue . . . literally. Gotcha!

STPD PLT?

Vanity plates are dumb. I've never liked them. Even clever ones (like one I saw recently that had eight consecutive Zs) are stupid, because it means the driver actually took time to think about how he would express himself via license plate. This guy (in a pickup . . . surprise!) thought he'd take the lazy redneck stereotype even further.

At first I thought maybe he was physicist or something. Then the Bass Pro Shops decal caught my eye. My thoughts went something like this:

"Ohhhhh . . . Fishing. Not fission. That's dumb."

We don't care that this dude likes to fish. I could have inferred that 100 other ways without seeing it in condensed plate-print. Granted, it's not the dumbest vanity plate ever (DDYS GRL takes the cake, me thinks), but it got on my nerves in a big way.

Feel free to submit the dumbest vanity plate you see so that we can all mock it. Yay for acting superior!

I, two, like cheescake.

Grumble, grumble, grumble. How hard is it to get this right? Prepositions don't mean also. TCBY may think they're The Country's Best Yogurt, but the signage is a little dodgy.

Medium/Media

News flash: Adding an "s" isn't the only way to pluralize something? Take the word "medium," for example. The plural is "media." It is not "mediums." Blame it on those crazy Latin people and their crazy Latin pluralization. Here's a few more examples of weirdo plurals that people should try to keep in mind when they're talking:

Datum/Data (Data is plural, not singular.)
Crisis/Crises (Not crisises.)
Index/Indices (Not indexes.)
Fungus/Fungi (Not funguses.)
Focus/Foci (Not focuses . . . even though newer dictionaries are including it. It's just because we're all getting lazy, people.)
Mouse/Mice (I shouldn't need to put that in here, but you'd be amazed.)
Shrimp/Shrimp (Not shrimpsesses . . . even though that's cuter.)

Happy President's/Presidents/Presidents' Day!

If we worked in financial services or education, we'd have today off. But we don't. So the best we can do is snottily remind our readers that this is the day of *many* presidents. Henceforth, it is PRESIDENTS' DAY. Gotta love the plural possessive.

And the winner is . . .

OUTRE! I think she came up with the most inventive punctuation structure for our graffiti contest. I'll be contacting her about her shirt color and word.

Isn't it ironic? Um, no.

There seems to be a general misunderstanding about the meaning of irony. I don't know if too many people got their definition from that lame Alanis Morrissette song or what, but over the last week, I've heard enough people misuse the word "ironic" to push me to action (or at least my version of action, which happens to be words). Here's what ironic DOESN'T mean:

• Weird - If something totally arbitrary, unrelated or out of the blue happens, it's not ironic. It's just unexpected.
• Coincidental - If you have a meeting about hot dogs later in the day and happen to run into a hot dog tycoon earlier the same day, that's not ironic. It's a happy conicidence.
• Funny - Funny is just funny.

So what is ironic? As fortune would have it, there are these modern-day devices called "dictionaries" which actually give us the meanings of words. Hard to believe, I know. I've consulted one such dictionary (or word-genie, if you will) to provide you with the legitimate definitions of irony, which I have paraphrased below:

IRONY (n)

1. Using words that literally mean one thing to express the opposite. (EX: After learning it would cost $1,900 to fix my car, my response was, "That's just awesome.")
2. An outcome of events that was the exact opposite of what was expected. (EX: All the work I put into circumventing the IRS in order to save money ACTUALLY ended up costing a fortune. Go figure!)

But wait, there's more! There's also:

1. Literary irony: A technique of indicating, as through character or plot development, an intention or attitude opposite to that which is actually or ostensibly stated (Like in The Sixth Sense. Or the media's story of M. Night Shamylalalala . . . they keep indicating that he's a genius when what's actually happening is that he's a one-trick pony. That trick just happens to be literary irony.)
2. Dramatic irony: Irony that is inherent in speeches or a situation of a drama and is understood by the audience but not grasped by the characters in the play (Like on Three's Company when Jack and Janet think there's extra rent money hidden in the couch, but the AUDIENCE knows that Chrissy has just had the couch replaced, thereby unwittingly losing the rent money! Oh no, Chrissy!)
3. Socratic irony: Profession of ignorance and of willingness to learn as one interrogates another on the meaning of a term. ("Oh really? So you could have caught the problem in the engine sooner? How fascinating! Say, I'm really interested to know what it was precisely that kept you from identifying this problem BEFORE it evolved into $1,900 headache for me? I just want to learn . . . ")

Consider this entry my due diligence. Next time someone misuses "irony" in my presence, I now consider myself fully within my rights to call him out on it.

Punctuation is a sin . . . but vandalism isn't.

In honor of today's festivities, we at VERBOSITEE would like to hold a little contest. Below, you'll find a fabulous piece of graffiti--or "street art" as my crew in Nebraska likes to call it--reminding us about the true meaning of V-day. Actually, I'm pretty sure it was the property's owner who decided to deface his home. So it's not *really* vandalism . . . just good, old-fashioned crazy.

Whatever the case may be, the author opted to omit any punctuation on this (except for the nifty exclamation point). How would YOU, dear reader, punctuate the rest of this demand?

Comment with your suggestions. The winner will receive a free VERBOSITEE shirt with the word of his/her choice. You lucky dog.

Apostrophe isn"t sufficient?

Here's a gem that's right down the street from the VERBOSITEE offices. I pass it every morning, and each day it makes my face go crinkly and my pre-work optimism fall to ruins.

Maybe the proprietor just didn't think an apostrophe was good enough. Maybe he wanted double the punctuation power. The sign has been there for a LOOOONG time, reminding us that the education crisis is in no way a new battle.

Is this really necessary?

After a little hiatus we have no excuse for (besides being very, very busy) Verbositee is back! Today's post is inspired by my "mouthfeel" post a little while back. I stumbled over this word sometime last week, and I immediately asked myself, "why?" Our friends at Merriam-Webster offer us this tasty nugget:

sitzmark
Pronunciation:\ˈsits-ˌmärk, ˈzits-\ n.
Etymology: probably from German sitzen to sit + English ¹mark (impression)

: a depression left in the snow by a skier falling backward

Really? We really needed this word? The language would have been empty without it? I can't even possibly wrap my mind around why this word would have been necessary.

Oliver: You know Cassidy, this is a wonderful day for a ski.
Cassidy: Indeed it is Oliver.
Oliver: Oh dear, I seem to have fallen.
Cassidy: Indeed you have Oliver. Fallen backward.
Oliver: Well, my tumble has left a depression in the snow.
Cassidy: Indeed Oliver. But it seems so much more than that.
Oliver: Does it?
Cassidy: Indeed it does.

And then they spent the next three days laboriously poring over combinations of Old World words until they settled on "sitzmark." Now no one, no skier, will ever fall backward and leave a depression in the snow. Instead they will have created a proud sitzmark to temporarily document their clumsiness. Beautiful.